This afternoon I feel quite sad and despondent. It’s a wonder what one persons words can do to your mood.  Here I am feeling horrible by myself in Costa Coffee. I am not sure any amount of baking today is going to make me feel better. Although i have to say that the pot of Earl Grey tea has not gone under appreciated.

I just wonder if perhaps I am not that good a person. Perhaps I am in the middle of a very privileged pity party but cannot help think that , I am a complete failure and a friend and support system. I wonder if I am perhaps to self-ish and ego-centric, that I am completely oblivious of the needs of others. I am constantly being told that , so it much be true. It is true that in the past two years I have been somewhat preoccupied by some rather major events in my life and I have been distracted. These events have changed me as a person and I am perhaps no longer the cheerful, optimistic and warm character that I once was. I am jaded, suspicious and pessimistic. I ran out of emotional energy a long time ago. Baking helps to restore something that was lost but I know I will never be the same again. The more I try to be this better, caring person that I’m meant to be, the worse I seem to make the situation.

Sometimes escaping into the kitchen is better than dealing with people.