Describe a risk you took that you do not regret.

Changing jobs

I left a good job in the city…

I became a consultant in 2011, and to be honest, it was a bit like jumping into the deep end without knowing how to swim. I could definitely put in the hours—if hard work were an Olympic sport, I’d be up there with China and the United States of America. But when it came to organising myself to make real progress I was absolutely clueless. Eventually, I found myself stuck  in the mud.

I couldn’t be myself in that job and I’m not even sure I knew who I was or what I could be. All I know was that on daily basis I presented the most anxious and fearful version of myself, wrapped up in a verneer of smiles and placidity. 

I’m not sure when things came to a head, mostly in my head, but over the course of time, it became clear to me that I couldn’t stay there and keep my sanity. I started looking out for other posts. I visited another centre. I talked to other paediatricians. Then a job came up, it seemed perfect. I did not feel that I would quite make the mark but felt that I should and would give it a shot. I applied with my full heart, wrote about what I had achieved and wanted to achieve. It was cathartic and validating in its own way – like a long-needed therapy session wrapped in a cover letter. 

I sent off the application and promptly forgot about it, which was easy to do since shortly afterwards, I was on honeymoon in Naples. Imagine this: I’m waiting to board a funicular, dreaming of pizza and gelato, when I get a call from HR inviting me to interview the following Monday. Surprise! 

That was weird time. I spent the evenings, reading about my potential new Trust and it’s values and direction. I made notes on myself, my values and my direction. I sat in our hotel room and made an international phone call to my potential new clinical lead to talk about the state of the service and what this new role would entail.

Then before I knew it, our romantic getaway was over and we touched down at Gatwick and reality. The only thing I remember doing the day before the interview was going to the hairdresser (hello, sleek bob), buying a suit from Next (black of course) and some kitten heels.  This ensemble gave me a kind of external confidence that I hoped would seep into the inside.

The day of the interview arrived, I started off reverting to my default panicky self. I remember sitting in the holding room aka staff kitchen, rapidly Googling the name that the centre was named after, thinking wildly that that it might be an interview question. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. What do I remember about the interview? I cannot remember feeling daunted, I left the nervous version of myself back in the kitchen. I remember feeling, that I’d just give it my best shot and see what happens. I remember only five people on the interview panel : designated doctor for safeguarding, clinical lead, medical director, CEO, and Royal College Rep.  I cannot remember anyone else on the panel. I remember telling them what I wanted to do for the service, how I would manage capacity issues, how I would manage a safeguarding issue. I remember asking them how easy it would be to do research in this post. That’s all I can recall. Then someone took me around the building to show me where I’d potentially be working. I was, at the time, impressed.

I don’t remember where I was when the medical director called to offer me the job, but I have a hazy memory of sitting in my car, in a covered carpark. I accepted the post there and then even though, I hadn’t even sold my little London flat yet, but I assured them the start date wouldn’t be a problem. I would be ready in three months. I celebrated with a friend later that afternoon, driving over to where she lived, blissfully unaware that this very route would become my daily grind four years later.

I started my new job in August 2017, and let’s just say it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster. Seven years later, I’ve met many versions of myself—each one slightly more confident than the last. I’m still learning. I don’t always get it right when it comes to advocating for myself and my needs. I am occasionally tempted resign because of the never-ending workload and epic commute. I’ve managed to resist the temptation to join the internet circus and become a content creator. However, seriously, I haven’t seen any other advertised posts that would quite match up to what I have here. Don’t get me wrong my current job is far from perfect, and there probably are better jobs out there. However, I’ve managed to achieve things that I am proud of in this post (presenting a poster at an international conference, a few publications, there is more but I’ll be humble!) that perhaps I would have never achieved if I stayed where I was. As well as me being a completely different person in many regards, it has taught  me that the opportunities are out there if I open my eyes and take advantage of them.