**Five Regrets of the Dying**

This is a list written by Bronnie Ware an Australian who worked in palliative care. I thought it might be interesting to explore what avoiding these regrets could look like for me. After all, prevention is better than cure.

Have the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

How far away am I from this now? At the moment, I work as a doctor, which takes up all my time. I’m slowly trying to build a healthier, more balanced life that reflects my values and how I want to present myself to the world.

This means being authentic—not trying to please people because I think that’s what they want, especially when it comes at a personal cost. Personal cost comes anyway. Maybe I give some people the impression of being “difficult,” but I need to stand up for myself in a world where too many are willing to crush you for their own ends.

Don’t work so hard

Sometimes, that’s easier said than done. When faced with a backlog of patient reports and endless requests from parents and colleagues, it’s difficult to say no. In this job, we carry immense responsibility. We are trusted professionals, and the thought of leaving work undone feels unthinkable.

But we must remember to stop, pause, and take breaks. When we are gone, institutions will carry on without us. We must honour our bodies and minds by taking regular pauses. It’s sobering to realise there are rarely any prizes for ‘going above and beyond’.

Have the courage to express my feelings

Lately, I’ve been sharing more emotional, expressive pieces through my blog and social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I haven’t received many responses or comments, but that’s OK.

It’s not about chasing validation. It’s about saying, “This is who I am. These are my thoughts. They aren’t always pretty or funny, but they are mine.” For a long time, I was afraid of what people would think. Now, I realise it’s not about pleasing everyone but about creating authentic, meaningful content that might encourage others to do the same.

Even though no one has truly engaged with my work in the way I hoped—no deep conversations about grief, loneliness, or self-doubt—it’s OK. I’m learning not to rely on external validation, especially from something as fickle as an internet algorithm.

Stay in touch with my friends

Historically, I’ve been bad at this, but recently I’ve improved. My circle is small, but perhaps that’s OK. I don’t need an endless network; instead, a curated, safe circle of individuals who truly value each other is what matters for me.

I’ve come to accept that some friendships naturally pause or fade over time. That doesn’t make them less meaningful. Sometimes, relationships need rest and renewal, and that’s perfectly fine.

Let myself be happy

Happiness doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be simple. I’ve started focusing on “glimmers”—small moments that bring joy or safety.

A glimmer (1) is the opposite of a trigger: a cue that reconnects us with joy or peace. It might be as simple as seeing a beautiful skyline, feeling the warmth of the sun, or smelling freshly cut grass.

The concept of glimmers comes from *Polyvagal Theory*, coined by behavioral neuroscientist Stephen Porges in 1995. The term itself was introduced by Deb Dana in 2018 in *The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation*. Glimmers gained popularity through a viral TikTok by psychologist Dr. Justine Grosso.

Common glimmers include:

– Feeling the warmth of the sun

– Sensing cool, salty ocean air

– Smelling lavender

– Seeing a rainbow or sunlight sparkling on water

– Enjoying the perfect cup of coffee

– Being in nature

– A stranger smiling at you in public

I’ve experienced most of these, and they’re not new. What matters is embracing and acknowledging them. It’s about shifting our perspective to notice these moments and let them matter.

I think this exercise has made me reflect on the small, deliberate changes we can make —choosing authenticity, taking breaks, nurturing meaningful relationships, and finding joy in simple moments— to allow us to live with a sense of peace and purpose.

These don’t happen over night, they can’t we are creatures of habit. Instead, we can start with one intentional step today. Say no to overwork, express how you feel, reach out to a friend, or pause to savor a glimmer of joy. These simple and small acts have the power to transform how we live, helping us prioritise what is important.

References:

(1) Glimmer: How to Trigger Feelings of Joy and Safety By Theodora Blanchfield, AMFT