I’m not there yet…

There is nothing like being unwell less than a month into the new year (in my case – a mild but stinking cold) to make you reassess your life. A little drastic perhaps but while I was sitting in bed sipping Lemsip and feeling sorry for myself, I was forced to think about the fact that I have been rushing around for years and years, trying to achieve ‘success’ in various guises but have never really stopped to think about how happy or not this has made me. Maybe, I thought joy and happiness was a luxury I could ill afford while I struggled to forge a career and pay my mortgage, bills and expenses.

Now that I am in my 40’s, I need to think seriously about it being a regular visitor to my life or else what is the point? I just don’t know how to do it, is the problem. I am consumed by my work, in a way that is ugly and rather unfulfilling. I work very hard but I’m afraid it’s not smart working.

I got married a few years ago and while that has been wonderful it’s own way, it has brought a number of unexpected challenges. Finding joy in this situation has been extremely difficult at times.

I have operated on an ‘I’m just grateful to be alive’ mode for the past four decades but I guess I deserve better than that. I guess I owe it to myself and the people that have given me life and supported my life to start living my best life.